An Interview with Sasuke
by SojiSohma
Summary: Sequal of sorts to the Gaara interview one. I think this one is better though. Rated T for language. Sasuke's on drugs!


**And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! My second An Interview With... in the series I've decided to make! All of them will be in different stories, making it look like I work more than I really do. So here it is…An Interview With Sasuke!**

**Oh wait, before I do this, let me warn you: I'm going to insult Sasuke. I am going to insult him to no end. And I'm going to tarnish his reputation. Until there is nothing left to tarnish. So, if you are so crazy about Sasuke your going to freak out over me saying something "disrespectful" about him in a FUNNY story, then I suggest you just stop reading. Right now.**

**When Soji mentions Crack etc. there is something I would like to clear up. I learned this in a class at my old school. Crack is cocaine, Mary Jane is marijuana, and I forgot what Kit-Kats was, but it's an illegal drug…DON'T BUY KIT-KATS PEOPLE! YOU'LL END UP LIKE SASUKE IS IN THIS STORY!**

**One more thing, Ashtyn really did want me to ask all the questions she asks in her part. I had no part in making these questions. Sorry if it seems more than T-rated. If so, please tell me and I'll change it, because I'm not changing my rating.**

**ENJOY PEOPLES I WORKED EXTREMELY HARD ON THIS!**

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We have a cast that will show up in every story most likely. Here they are!

**Kike**

Age: 16

Hair: Dark brown

Eyes: Bright green

Knows Soji: Best friends on a game

From: Spain!

Fave Naruto Character: N/A has never seen Naruto

**Li-Chan (No relation to Rock LEE)**

Age: 13

Hair: Constantly changing colors, never a natural color

Eyes: Purple

Knows Soji: Best friends since 1st/2nd grade (1 for Soji, 2 for her, now in same grade)

From: Idaho

Fave Naruto Character: Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara

**Tori**

Age: 13

Hair: To shoulders, black, slightly curly

Eyes: Black

Knows Soji: 6th grade and up

From: Idaho

Fave Naruto Character: "EMO MAN!" As she would say it. So, Sasuke!

**Ariam (She's new!)**

Age: 14

Hair: Black, short, one side right against head, other side flipped to hang down over her eyes

Eyes: Silver

Knows Soji: 8th grade for about a month only, but worth mentioning

From: She needs me to mention not only Idaho, but her Mountain Homies! So yeah, Idaho.

Fave Naruto Character: Sasuke

**Ashtyn (Girl pplz, not boy…)**

Age: 16

Hair: Just a bit past ears, black and blue

Eyes: Brown

Knows Soji: Big sis --"

From: "I-da-hoe baby!" Also her words…

Fave Naruto Character: Sasuke (everyone seems to like Sasuke…that's why this is on him)

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A girl with lavender hair walks onto a small stage in a small recording studio, holding a real, metal microphone.

"Hello, my name is Soji. Apparently everyone just **LOVED** it when I interviewed Gaara, so I've piled together enough money to buy me my **own **studio, so we don't blow up the world again!" (See An Interview With Gaara)

"Today we're going to interview the most-loved character of Naruto when it comes to my friends. Not me, but my friends. Sasuke! And, thanks to a little help from Kakashi and Naruto, we can get completely honest answers from him! Thank you, Kakashi and Naruto!"

--Waves to someone offstage--

"Now let's bring out tonight's special guest!"

--Cheers come from cd player and a few from the audience--

A very drugged-up Sasuke staggers out from back stage, seeming incredibly drunk.

"Hey ya'll! I'm a birdie!" Sasuke yells groggily, and proceeds to jump off of the stage, while everyone else just watches.

"Well, at least it's only a 2 foot drop!" Soji says cheerfully. "And, to you non-existent watchers at home, he **did** just say ya'll." She walks over to the side of the stage, helps Sasuke up, drops him again, then helps him get all the way up, leading him to a chair and sat him down in it.

"Now, to start the questioning." Soji looked up into the audience. "Any questions? Anyone?"

--3 hands raise--

"Alright, Tori. What is your question?"

"Just to warn you," Tori began, "He's not going to like it." Tori took a deep breath and said the inevitable. "Are you gay?"

Instead of getting incredibly pissed off at her, Sasuke giggled like a little girl and said, "NO, silly! I'm BI! Why else would I be all over my entire team? I mean, GOD!"

…

"Well then…that wasn't the answer any of us expected. On to Kike!"

"Yeah, Sasuke, you look like an emo, are you an emo?" Kike asked without hesitation after seeing how he reacted to Tori's question. He had been scared before. Soji had a knack for picking the serial killers. Like Gaara.

Sasuke made a weird noise that sounded like Chewbacca having a heart attack. When Soji asked him to repeat himself, he did the same thing, only a little easier to understand. "EMO MAN! I LOOOOOVE BEING EMO! IT'S SO FRICKING FUN!"

"God, Kakashi! What the hell did you give him? Crack? Mary Jane? Kit-Kats?" Soji asked to the backstage audience.

Turning back to Sasuke and her not-back-stage audience, she said, "Alright, Ashtyn, you look eager, what do you want to ask Sasuke?"

"Prepare for a long line of questioning." Ashtyn said menacingly.

"That's what we agreed to. Here's the mic for you." She gave her high-as-Sasuke sister the microphone, regretting it as soon as she did. "Um, I'm staying up here just in case you **somehow **manage to piss off Sasuke in this state…" Then under her breath she added, "I wouldn't doubt it if you could."

"Alright, Sasuke, here we go! Question number 1, What is something you've never told anyone before?"

"Ummmmmm…I…like…"

"Yeah, yeah?"

"Potatoes."

More than slightly disappointed, Ashtyn began her next question.

"If you could sleep with anyone at all, who would it be?" Over in her corner, Soji just shook her head in shame.

"Uh……I'd have to say Sakura and Naruto! At the same time!"

"Awesome! Now, what was and/or is your all-time favorite cartoon?"

(To the theme of batman) "Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, SPIDERMAN!"

"Me too!" They get up and sing the Bat/Spiderman theme together.

"Ok, what's your biggest pet peeve?"

"That's what I **don't **like, right? Well, I'd have to say…Gaara stealing my potatoes. I swear he does it just to make me angry, I just know it! He doesn't eat 'em, he just buries them so when I find them, they're covered in dirt and I can't eat them any more!"

"Wow, I made a drugged-up Sasuke get mad! Oh yeah, who's good? Ok, question number…5, what's the craziest dream you've ever had?"

"Hmm, I guess it would be the one where my hair flew away. It scared me. I had to sleep with my stuffed fox, that I named Naruto of course!"

"What was your favorite subject when you went to the Ninja Academy?"

"Ooo, I liked the class where they taught us that hurting people is good!"

"Yeah, that one was my favorite too…but in my school, they called it History."

"If you could kill anyone right now, who would it be?"

"Itachi! No, Orochimaru! No, I know, Kakashi for giving me these damn drugs! I'll get you, Kakashi!"

"And, lastly, have you ever just wanted to kick down a door?"

"Yeah!" Sasuke runs over to the nearest door and is about to kick it down when Soji, Kike, Ariam, and Tori all tackle him to the ground. The 5 wrestle for awhile, then Sasuke spazzes out and just flops on the ground, refusing to say anything but "Quack." Ashtyn lies on the ground next to him and does the same thing.

"Well, it's a good thing the show is over," Soji said, sighing.

She walks out to the middle of the stage after taking the microphone back from Ashtyn, and says, "I'm sorry, but that's all we'll be able to do for today. Sasuke isn't feeling up to any more questions."

With that, everyone but Sasuke and Ashtyn come into the middle of the stage and bow to the empty seats.

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**Now that the story is over, here are a couple of…things…I dunno what to call 'em.**

**DON'T DO DRUGS! IT IS BAD FOR YOUR REP!**

**DON'T SPAZ OUT AND THEN FLOP ON THE GROUND AND SAY ONLY "QUACK!" IT WILL WORRY YOUR PARENTS, CAUSING THEM TO CALL THE COPS AND/OR HOSPITAL AND/OR MENTAL HOSPITAL TELLING THEM ANYTHING FROM "MY KID'S ON KIT-KATS" TO "HELP, MY KIDS GONNA KILL US ALL IN OUR SLEEP WITH A DUCK! COME AND TAKE HIM/HER AWAY WITH YOUR PRETTY WHITE COATS!"**

**DON'T THROW AWAY MCDONALDS CUPS! YOU MIGHT BE THROWING AWAY $5 MILLION!**

**Thank you, and don't get run over by a car on your way out.**

**--Soji--**


End file.
